Kaiba Airlines
by Blonde Trap Lord
Summary: A story based on my friends and I's adventures in battlefield. There are a lot of inside jokes here so if you didn't understand something, chances are you really weren't supposed too. Rated Mature for: Strong Language, Minor Racism.


Battlefield Story

Fort Cummies, NY, 1200.

Footsteps echoed down the hall as the two men headed for the observation deck that overlooked the obstacle course. "There were only two recruits that matched the requirements you gave me." The door opened and the men moved to the observation window where they would see two soldiers standing and awaiting orders.

Commander Robert Ready took a long hard look at the two recruits who could potentially be his new squad mates. "I want the one of the left." He pointed at the short stocky looking soldier who was looking down the barrel of his gun, which, was not on safety. The Colonel looked at him, startled. "But, you haven't even seen their credentials or how they are on the field!"

Rob looked at Colonel Hugh G. Rection and gave him a reassuring smile. "Yeah but, the other one is black…" A moment passed between the two before the Colonel replied. "Yeah. You right. But, we should at least see how he does in the course; he may be a super soldier for all we know. "Rob shook his head. "There were no black super soldiers in halo. It's clearly a sign." The Colonel sighed. "Whatever run him through it anyways." Rob hit the intercom button to speak to the black private. "Alright….Private….Amir. You basically have no chance of making the squad but go ahead and do the course anyways. Line up at the start and wait for the buzzer." Private Amir looked up at the observation window and shook his head. He then sighed and moved to the start of the obstacle course and waited for the signal.

Both the Colonel and the Commander readied there clipboards to assess the private as the start was signaled. Amir began sprinting through the course. A moment later the first cardboard cut-out of a terrorist would spring out. Amir was startled and began to yell and unload his weapon in its general direction. Amir would somehow miss every bullet he fired however, as Amir fired, he would lose control of his weapon and shoot himself in the knee. His yelling turned into screaming "My knee! My fucking knee!"

Hugh and Rob simply stared in amazement and slowly put down their clipboards as they would no longer need to assess the private any longer. After another moment, Amir would stop yelling and start foaming at the mouth followed by convulsing. A few seconds later, Amir would be dead. Rob and Hugh would look over to see what the other private was doing; he was sitting down playing with the dirt. Rob sighed and hit the intercom "Hey private," the private jumped up from the ground "didn't you hear the yelling the other dude is dead, go save him real quick." The private began running the direction that Amir had gone "Oh jeez, oh god please don't die." He would mutter to himself as he approached the corpse. As he would kneel down besides the corpse, the stench of shit would fill the air. "Oh gross! I ain't saving this guy! He's a poopy baby!" Rob put his face into his palm while Hugh just simply looked away. "The defibrillators. You don't need to touch the body just simply charge those up for a second and shock the body." The private grabbed the defib's off the body and began rubbing them together and after a few seconds would shock the body. Amir's eyes shot open and he began yelling as if he had never stopped. Once he realized he was alive, he immediately checked his knee which had miraculously recovered. The private stared in amazement; how did defibrillators cure a gunshot wound?

"Yo fuck this man, I'm out. Peace!" Amir said as he ran away until he was out of the obstacle course. As the private stared at the cowardly Amir, he would notice a giant round ball going up and down in his pants. "Congratulations private…Sean! By process of elimination you are now part of the squad!" Private Sean would jump up in happiness but it would be short lived as he would slip and fall. As he was falling he saw the disappointed looks of both Rob and Hugh until everything went black upon hitting the ground. Rob turned to Hugh "I really picked two winners huh?"

Private Powley slowly opened his eyes, as he did, he saw his soon to be commanders face looming over him. "C-commander!?" He would salute despite being on the ground. Rob would extend a hand to the private and help him to his feet. "You're officially part of the team private, despite how much of failure I can already see you're going to be…" Private Powleys eyes widened with pure jubilation. "Come on," Rob motioned with his hand for Sean to follow "Let's go meet the rest of the team." Before rob could begin his stride Private Powley would stop him in his tracks. "Wait!" He called out as Rob turned around to see what was up. "Can…Can you call me Kaiba instead of Sean or Powley or…Both?!" Rob looked at him with a confused look "Kaiba?" Sean smiled "Yes sir!?" Rob sighed "Ok, fine, whatever, just hurry up.

Private Kaiba and commander Ready would soon be entering a firing range. In this firing range though there was only a single soldier holding an RPG and aiming at something in the sky. It looked like a black spec and was clearly hundreds of miles away from the fort. As the two approached the soldier he would hold up his arm, stopping them in their tracks. A second later he would fire the RPG into the sky. The three of them stood there watching the missile fly into the distance for what seemed like an eternity until an explosion suddenly materialized in the distance.

The soldier then turned around and faced the two before speaking. "Commander, what can I help you with?" Before the commander could reply, private Kaiba would but in. "Did you just make that bird explode!? From this far?! I didn't even know a bird could create an explosion like that!" Rob sighed and the soldier simply started at the private. "He isn't a new team member is he? Please say no." Rob shook his head. "I'm sorry Sol, this is indeed your new team member: Private Kaiba." Kaiba stuck out his hand for a shake but Sol simply stared at him until he rescinded his hand. He then looked down away from Sol's gaze. "Kaiba this is Lieutenant Sol, our chief engineer and as you just witnessed, the thing helicopter pilots fear the most." Kaiba looked up at Rob "But… I'm a helicopter pilot." Now both of the soldiers stared at Kaiba. "But you see Kaiba…" Sol broke the silence "We are on the same side" Kaiba once again looked down in shame before looking back up once again with a question. "So if that was not a exploding bird and instead a helicopter, why did you shoot it down? Was it like a test dummy in there? I didn't think the army just let its helicopters get shot down for target practice." "They don't…" Sol replied "and they don't use target dummy's either." Kaiba tried to speak once again but Rob would cover his mouth. "Just forget you ever saw this." He stopped attempting to speak and Rob would lift his hand.

"So what is this private? Not another engineer I hope. I don't want to train him." Rob chuckled at the thought of Sol training Kaiba "No he's another medic who happens to also be a helicopter pilot. He's basically only here so he can get us to our next mission." Sol Nodded "Oh ok gotcha. Has he met the others?" As Sol spoke he began loading another missile into the launcher in preparation for the next helicopter. "Actually…" Rob began "I was hoping you would know where they are." Sol finished loading the RPG and set it aside before facing Rob again. "Well…nobody knows where Roy is. You know how he is, just appears and disappears. But Mike…I actually heard he was in the girls bathroom in the barracks." Rob scratched his head "The girl's bathroom? Why on earth would he be there?" Sol shook his head "I don't know man, the guys fucking nuts. Rob nodded in agreement. "Alright whatever, we'll see what he's up too, just be sure to be in the briefing room in 30 minutes as once I'm done introducing Kaiba we're going to begin. Sol nodded before turning around and picking the RPG up once again and aiming it out to the horizon. There was another black speck coming in…

"I don't like him very much." The duo was now approaching the girl's bathroom in the barracks. "I don't think he likes you either." "Yeah but I'm way cooler than hi-"Rob covered his mouth "Shhh" They were now at the bathroom door. "Do you hear that?" Kaiba walked up to the door and put his ear to it. Mumbling could be heard coming from the bathroom but neither of the two could make out what was being said. "Kaiba, you go in first. Don't worry, there's a wall right when you walk in so he won't see you." Kaiba turned back to Rob. "Me!? Why do I have to go first?!" "Test. I want to see how stealthy you are." Kaiba sighed and slowly opened the door and sneakily walked in with Rob right behind him. They both pressed against the wall and Kaiba peeped around the wall to spot where the voice was coming from.

"No! For the last time Fiora! We cannot slay them! They are on our side!" A man was sitting in the middle of the bathroom on a stool that, for some reason, was covered in blood. Kaiba turned back to Rob as the man continued to speak to himself. "Who's he talking to exactly?" "Is he holding a machete?" Kaiba peered around the wall once again and this time, noticed the gigantic machete that was also covered in blood. Kaiba then, once again, turned back to Rob. "He's talking to the machete!?" Rob shushed him in response and the two continued to listen in on the one way conversation. "I saw him walking from the obstacle course. He was new therefore not part of the army just yet. That is why you feasted on him. We cannot take anyone else though." _"His blood was disgusting! I want more! More blood!"_ "Fiora! You need to control yourself!" Kaiba turned back to rob, a horrified look on his face. "He….he killed Amir! Rob shrugged. "He tends to do that." Kaiba was now sweating and as he was informed of his new teammates bloodlust, a bead of sweat would drop to the ground. Mike would stop mid-sentence. "What…." He began sniffing the air. " **MEAT."** Kaiba looked around the corner but all he could see was the man's face as he was staring at him from only a few inches away. A Large grin appeared on his face and before Kaiba would react, he would find himself pinned against a wall by his neck. "No please!" Kaiba screamed and tried to kick free but it would prove to be fruitless. The soldier hunched forward, inches away from Kaiba's face and sniffed him. " **FRESH.** " Kaiba began to shake his head vigorously. "Not fresh! Not Fresh! I'm stale! Please god, I'm stale!" The man laughed at Kaiba's attempt to keep him from killing him. "Don't worry…" He put the machete up to Kaiba's eye socket. "She isn't picky…" The man brought his arm back to begin the feast but before he could carve Kaiba's eyes out, the bathroom door would fly open and a cloaked figure sprinted into the room, gun drawn. As the two of them looked to see what had just happen the cloaked figure would spin on his heel three times before stopping with his gun pointing at Mike with the rest of his body in some weird pose. He shot the machete out of Mike's hand forcing him to drop Kaiba and go retrieve it. "Fiora!" The cloaked figure would maintain his pose, smoking gun in hand. Kaiba looked up at his savior. "Sorry for being…" He blew the smoke from his guns barrel. "Late." Kaiba stared at his savior in awe. He was perfect. "That was awful Roy." Rob criticized with a sigh. "Hey" He spun his revolver multiple times before putting it away and removed the hood from his head. "Better late than never right?" Roy said as he smiled, his perfect teeth shining. "I guess…" Mike would appear around the corner, machete in hand. "Why Roy? You would harm Fiora for this runt?! I should gut you both." "No. There will be no gutting. Mike, Roy, this is Kaiba, your new helicopter pilot." Mike stared at Kaiba, nothing but pure anger in his eyes. Kaiba avoided eye contact and turned to Roy to greet him. "Alright, now that everyone knows Kaiba I want all of you in the briefing room. Sol should already be there." Roy would nod and exit as Mike muttered something under his breath as he headed for the door. Once the two were gone Rob would also turn for the door but would be stopped by Kaiba. "Hey wait a minute." Rob stopped and turned to face him. "You were going to let him kill me weren't you." Rob simply shrugged and made a fart noise with his mouth.


End file.
